As I continue on with my new decade I keep having the feeling that my past no matter what I try and do, just keeps following me. I can resist it but it will persist. Case in point, I have been working on my circle of influence. I keep hearing that you are the sum total of those five people that are closest to you. When I first heard that and looked around, I was kind of aghast and started really working on myself. I was attracting certain types of people that didn’t fit with my definition of success for myself. I was around some folks that were not very uplifting. Did I do this because I wanted to feel better about myself? Most likely the answer is yes. After making this realization, I set about surrounding myself with some like-minded folks. I went on retreats, took classes and did a whole lot of reading. I sat down today for the first time and realized I had done just what I set out to do. I have succeeded in surrounding myself with a great group of people who are not only always there for me, but also uplift me. So what is the problem? The problem is that my past keeps giving me pop quizzes. It keeps having people appear to throw me tests on how far I have really come.
After spending yet another lunch time with someone who just doesn’t want to look inside, I had had enough. I blurted out, "If you don’t change something, than why do you think anything is going to change?" She stopped, looked at me and just keep babbling on with those words that I have forbidden my kid to ever use, “Yeah but….”. It was at that moment that I realized that not only did I have the tools to work myself out of this situation, but that I was ready to actually use them. I looked at her and again muttered, but louder this time, “If you don’t change anything, how do you expect this situation to ever change?”. I then got up and told her that I had to go and turned and walked away. This was a huge first for me. It might not have been the proper way to handle the situation, but in my gut, I think she may have gotten the message. Why do I sometimes continue to go back into these toxic situations that I know are not good for me to be in? Simple, fear of letting the other person know how I feel and fear of conflict.
It has taken me a long time to get to this point of having these tools, but I know they work now and I certainly will not hesitate to use them if the situation arises again. In the meantime, I made a point to reach out to my newest circle of influence folks and let them know how much I appreciate each and every one of them. I appreciate that they have come into my life at just the right moment and I truly thank them for that!!
I question if any of you have been in this same situation and how you handled it.
I leave you with a link to a great blog called The Evening Cup. In this particular post, Nicole Taylor gives her readers some great advice!
Until My Next Adventure,